


you could be my meant to be

by byunderella



Category: Qing Chun You Ni, 偶像练习生 | Idol Producer (TV)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Confessions, Fluff, M/M, Mutual Pining, but i really wanted to write them so, highkey dont have a good enough feel for their personalities yet so the characterization is iffy, just dumbness and softness honestly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-22
Updated: 2019-02-22
Packaged: 2019-11-03 17:48:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,315
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17882387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/byunderella/pseuds/byunderella
Summary: The concept of 'temporary' has always been a concern for Wenhan, but maybe taking a risk is better than not having tried at all.or, Wenhan finally gets his shit together and tells Jia Yi how he feels





	you could be my meant to be

**Author's Note:**

> me, a sucker for survival shows, indulging in another temporary ship 
> 
>  
> 
> i wrote this in like 4 hours so i could get it done before the next episode so it's not as long as i wanted it to be, or that great quality, but i hope you still enjoy it!

 

☆

 

 

 

Wenhan doesn’t know precisely when he’d begun to be aware of it, all he knows is that one look at those sharp eyebrows and flashing smile was enough to kick-start the _something_ that keeps erratically twisting his insides and drumming at his chest without so much of a regard for the million other things that are stressing him out right now.

 

And it’s not that he blames Jia Yi for evoking all of these undefined feelings all while maintaining his own upbeat and untroubled state, but he _completely_ blames Jia Yi for every stupid flutter that mocks him. To make matters worse, he shares a room with the younger boy—everywhere he goes, the knot in his stomach continues to tighten. It’s inevitable really, that he has to suffer through this huge crisis. And all he can do is sit there and let it happen.

 

(All thanks to Jia Yi and his stupid, pretty smile.)

 

The next few minutes are spent in an effort to not feel pathetic staring at Jia Yi as he towel dries his hair while singing softly to some song that decidedly isn’t as important as the person singing it. So maybe it’s an unconventional act between friends to stare at them like they’d just beaten the sun at its own game, but as long as Wenhan doesn’t speak anything of the sort out loud then it’s basically not true.

 

Guan Yue says it’s this kind of logic that keeps him single.

 

By the time he falls out of his thoughts, there’s a sleepy looking Jia Yi headed towards him, arms stretched out as he climbs onto Wenhan’s bed and lays himself face down on top of him, head resting in the crook of his neck. Wenhan feels his breath hitch but he makes no move to push him away, just smiles down softly at the boy. “You’re an actual cat.”

 

“Meow.” Jia Yi says, so unexpectedly that Wenhan almost chokes on his laughter. He feels Jia Yi giggle too, his breath ghosting over the sensitive skin on his neck. “Be honest, are you a furry?”

 

Wenhan’s top lip curls into a sneer, glaring down at the younger when he looks up at him curiously. “I’m going to launch you out of this bed.”

 

But Jia Yi only tightens his hold at this, arms coming to wrap around Wenhan’s torso. Wenhan chews on his lip, swallowing roughly as he tries to keep his voice steady. “You’re heavy, please get off of me.”

 

“No.” Jia Yi mumbles, nuzzling further into Wenhan’s neck, an action that drives the older up the wall.

 

Wenhan sighs heavily, tilting his chin down and lowering his voice. “Huang Jiaxin.”

 

Jia Yi’s head snaps up so quick that for a second Wenhan gets scared that he might pull a muscle. “If you sing I’m gonna launch _you_ off the bed.”

 

Wenhan grins, because the fact of the matter is, they both know what he’s going to do. “ _Huang Jiaxin, you’re really annoying, my friend Huang Jiaxin, you have three seconds to get up or I’ll put you in a headlock.”_

 

“Okay, that’s mildly scary, and I have no idea why.” Jia Yi falters enough that it gets him back onto his feet, and Wenhan can finally find the opportunity to breathe again.

 

“Because I’m scary.” He answers simply, lifting his arm to rest the back of his head on his hand, then follows up with a provoking smirk.

 

“No you’re not.” Jia Yi disagrees immediately, shaking his head cutely. “You’re cute, that’s all you are.”

 

And suddenly he’s back to not breathing, his entire body freezing up just from the sheer affection in his words. He watches a fraction of Jia Yi’s face fall with the silence, and no longer wanting to see the expression, Wenhan reaches to his side and grabs a pillow to throw at Jia Yi. “Go to sleep, you giant cat.” He keeps at his usual teasing tone, and is relieved when he watches the tension leave Jia Yi’s shoulders.

 

The younger gives him another small smile that practically etches itself into Wenhan’s memory, before voicing a quiet ‘ _Goodnight’_ and climbing up onto his top bunk. The lack of his presence, even when he’s just above him, is strikingly evident in that moment. Wenhan purses his lips, tapping his fingers against his chest.

 

“Goodnight.” He whispers barely, before letting sleep take over him.

 

 

* * *

  

 

The weird feeling happens again during a practice session for the second evaluation, when they’re all seated on the floor of the practice room and messing around during a break. Chen Tao starts it, rambling on about something along the lines of fate. “You guys always seem to follow each other everywhere, it’s like you’re inseparable. How did you blindly pick a song and still end up on the same team?”

 

“Cause we’re married.” Jia Yi says it like it's the most obvious thing in the world, like it’s just a universally known fact that can just roll off his tongue that easily and somehow ring true. The younger slings an arm over his shoulder, and Wenhan just decides to laugh it off. But then he’s on the receiving end of a bunch of teasing stares and starts to feel a little squirmy, all while Jia Yi looks perpetually unaffected like always. And if that wasn’t enough, Jia Yi proceeds to lean in, bringing his face dangerously close to his with that toothy smile of his. “Right, Wenhan?”

 

Wenhan searches his eyes, wants to find the glint of mockery that’ll ground him, but instead, he sees a tinge of sincerity, and that sends him floating back up into the air and leaving him to fend for himself. He’s not sure how long they stay in this position, faces just a mere few centimeters away, eyes locked on each other’s, trying to figure out what the hell this all means, but whatever spell that had been holding them together breaks as soon as the rest of their group members badger them for their proximity.

 

“Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!” They chant obnoxiously, giggling like a bunch of five-year old children.

 

Wenhan clears his throat, lightly elbowing Jia Yi away before grabbing onto any other subject to focus on. “Maybe you should put all of that energy into your expressions.” He teases Wang Zhe, who immediately goes straight faced again as Chen Tao and Chaoyuan burst into laughter, hitting him repeatedly on the back. Wenhan still goes to hug him right after the jab though, patting him on the head.

 

When he turns back to Jia Yi, the light in his eyes has dimmed considerably, but he still dons his smile as usual, promptly joining back in on the fun and forgetting about the whole thing.

 

  

* * *

 

 

Turmoil keeps him up on most nights, this particular night especially, with Jia Yi asking if he could sleep with him in his bed for the night, though he’d never actually given him a definite reason for it (Wenhan doesn’t think he had even asked for one.) So in the dead of the night, with only a few hours left before they had to get up and go through their vigorous practice schedule once more, Wenhan stays wide awake with Jia Yi curled up against his side. The younger’s face is half covered with the red scarf he always slept with, his soft snores filling the air. Wenhan glances down to where Jia Yi’s fingers rest lightly against the inside of his arm, and it’s such a soft gesture that Wenhan is nearly suffocating trying to keep himself still so as to not bother the younger in his sleep.

 

As much as he wants to make at least a little portion of his day _not_ about Jia Yi, the idea is pretty much impossible. Jia Yi was everywhere—in his room, in the dance studios, and clinging onto him in the cafeteria. He’d become a constant in Wenhan’s life faster than he could even comprehend. It scares him.

 

He came here to remember the exhilarating feeling of being on stage again, to sing and dance and be where he belonged, not to fall in love. But he sure doesn’t doubt he could be heading there, and it _scares_ him. Sure, he’s first now, and yeah Jia Yi may be high on the list, but he knows that he can never get comfortable with their rankings, because everyone shows new sides to them every day and people get pushed aside for new gems. He’s not always going to shine in people’s eyes. Even with the positives considered, a few years would be over in no time. Everything about this whole experience screams _temporary_ , and Wenhan has never been good at letting go.

 

It’s not like he can even be sure that Jia Yi feels anything for him. Sometimes he sees the way Jia Yi smiles a little wider when Wenhan wraps an arm around his waist and pulls him close, or how he pouts whenever Wenhan lets someone else sit in between them. He has moments of wishful thinking, when Jia Yi raves about him to the other contestants or to the cameras, or when he does things like call them a married couple, or ask to sleep beside him. But then he bounces back from all of those things with that look of amusement and has Wenhan back at square one, wondering if this is all just fun and games to him.

 

A part of him doesn’t like to view Jia Yi as having corrupted intentions, but the other part doesn’t want to walk into something with false beliefs and make a fool of himself. So his mind is in this constant game of back and forth, and he doesn’t think he’ll be settling on anything any time soon. It was so easy to ruin a good thing, Wenhan doesn’t want to take chances.

 

Morning comes sooner than he expects, Wenhan can’t even remember if he’d even managed to get any sleep or not. He wants to stay in bed for a few minutes longer, but then he feels something shift to his left and the comprehension sobers him. He doesn’t mean to turn and immediately have Jia Yi’s sleepy face be the first thing he sees when he opens his eyes, but he does, and _God_ , it’s adorable.

 

“Hi.” Jia Yi pushes the word past his lips, voice still hoarse and Wenhan almost melts with the gentleness.

 

“Hey.” Wenhan greets him back, attempting to conceal the way he gulps at the ambiguous air between them.

 

“Sorry for invading your bed.” Jia Yi apologizes quietly, his eyes still trained on his own. Wenhan wants to look away but for some reason, he can’t turn his head. So instead of giving himself away with how distracted he gets whenever they make eye contact, he keeps his eyes on Jia Yi’s eyebrows.

 

“Typical cat behavior.” Wenhan replies, the lethargy clear in his voice but he manages to add a lilt to it. “I understand.” Jia Yi lets his eyes close as he chuckles, darting his tongue out to wet his lips. Wenhan’s eyes follow the action, thankful that the younger hadn’t seen him. He scolds himself internally for getting distracted again, then quickly makes his way out of his bed, motioning for Jia Yi to get out as well. “Hurry, we have a lot to do today.”

 

  

* * *

  

 

Wenhan hadn’t _planned_ on distancing himself, it had just become an instinctive reaction to pull away whenever Jia Yi tried to hug him, or sit next to others in the cafeteria for meals before Jia Yi could latch onto his arm and drag him off to a table of their own.

 

There’s a fracture in their group quality that’s discernible to everyone, apparently. Even Minghao, who points out their odd lack of synchronization. Wenhan says nothing on the matter, just tells people that it’s okay and that it’ll get better before the performance. Though he’s always met with a skeptical look, and it’s clear that a rupture in the Wenhan-Jia Yi dynamic is something that even people they aren’t close to can pick up on.

 

Two days before the performance, Jia Yi confronts him when they’re alone in their dorm room and Wenhan can no longer run away. The younger hovers over the lower bunk hesitantly, a discontent look on his face as he pulls on his fingers restlessly. “You could at least tell me what I did wrong so I could fix it.” He gets right into the problem, no beating around the bush like Wenhan expects.

 

Wenhan opens his mouth and closes it back a few times, having difficulty finding the words to say. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”

 

Jia Yi presses his lips into a thin line, lifting a shoulder in a half shrug. “Then why are you avoiding me like the plague?”

 

“I’m not doing it on purpose.” Wenhan tries to say, but Jia Yi doesn’t seem to be buying it.

 

“But you clearly know about it so I’m thinking it is.” The younger bites down on the inside of his cheek, eyes falling to the ground as he rhythmically taps the heel of his foot against the floor. “Am I being too pushy?”

 

“It’s not anything you did, Jia Yi.” Wenhan runs a hand down his face, frustrated with himself. “It’s me, I’m the problem.”

 

Jia Yi furrows his brows, moving to take a seat next to him on the bed. “If you have a problem you know you can talk to me about it, right?”  

 

“It’s… complicated.” Wenhan continues to be vague, but Jia Yi is getting more impatient by the second and there’s not much more avoidance he can swing at this point. “I don’t know how to say it.”

 

“You wanna know how?” Jia Yi looks at him through his eyelashes, and Wenhan gets the impression that he’s not the only one feeling vulnerable right now. “You just.. say it.” He advises simply, “Like you’re relaying the weather, or naming your favorite song. Sometimes you just need to say it without thinking about what comes after.”

 

Wenhan thinks it’s a suggestion that, in its very essence, requires little to no mulling over. So before his brain can keep up with his mouth, he decides to hell with fear and hesitation. 

 

“I like you, Jia Yi.” He comes out with it, and it’s both a weight off his shoulder and a bullet to his chest. “A lot more than I thought I would, and more than I’m probably supposed to, but that’s not something I can just turn off. Because you’re just you, and that’s really the only reason I need.” Wenhan watches the surprise morph the younger’s face, and then he thinks he’d read the situation wrong and he’d made a terrible mistake, so he tries to salvage whatever they have left of their friendship after the huge truth bomb he’d just dropped. “You know what? Let’s forget I said anything, okay?” He wipes his hands on his sweatpants, letting out a half-hearted chuckle. “I didn’t mean to put you in an awkward position, and I don’t want things to get weird between us.”

 

“I like you too.” Jia Yi says before Wenhan can continue his rejected speech, and he has to blink multiple times to convince himself that this isn’t just something his mind made up to ease the pain. The younger juts out his lower lip, “I thought I was making it noticeable, but you really are that oblivious.”

 

“I’m not oblivious.” Wenhan counters defensively, a mix of relief, happiness, and petulance on his face. “I had my suspicions, but I didn’t want to put hope on any of them.”

 

“Well,” Jia Yi crawls over to the other side of the bed, sitting up against the wall (though he has to slouch pretty significantly due to his height.) “You’re very good at acting like you secretly despise me.”

 

Wenhan frowns, brows knitting together. He brings his leg onto the bed, scooting over to the younger. “Does it actually seem like that?”

 

Jia Yi tilts his head, sucking in a breath. “Well, maybe not to that extent, but it was kinda obvious that you were pushing me away when I was being touchy, but then sometimes you would do it yourself and I was just confused for a while. And then I was even _more_ confused when you just stopped hanging around me altogether.”

 

Wenhan grimaces, now understanding how bad that sounded. He’d been so hung up on the idea that Jia Yi was playing around with him that he didn’t even realize he was the one sending mixed signals. “Sorry, that was a bad move on my part. I didn’t mean to make you feel that way.”

 

Jia Yi shrugs lightheartedly, “It all led to this anyways, didn’t it?” The beaming smile that had gotten him all jumbled up in the first place comes back, and Wenhan has never been more relieved to see it. The younger is looking at him with those eyes again, and they’re so full of affection that Wenhan feels like no amount of bear hugs would be enough to make up for how shitty he had been towards him the past week. But Jia Yi is a complete sweetheart, that just a few teasing words puts Wenhan’s heart back at ease. “Is this the part where you tell me you get lost in my eyes?”

 

Wenhan scoffs, the corner of his lip tugging up into a lopsided grin. “Actually, I get lost in your eyebrows but close enough.” He reaches out unconsciously for Jia Yi’s hands, taking them lightly in his own, holding him gently by his fingertips. They sit in silence for a while, and for once there’s no tension or dread, just the familiar comfortable air that had drawn Wenhan to Jia Yi in the first place. Because even with this revelation, they wouldn't change. They would still be the silly pair with tremendous chemistry, just with added benefits. And Wenhan thinks he finally understands why people dare to take risks.

 

“So..” Jia Yi starts up again, breaking the silence. “Where do we go from here?”

 

Wenhan hums, knowing that this was a hard question to answer with just a mere few words of resolve. But he decides that taking things step by step and enjoying it in the moment is much more important, so he settles on, “Well, I don’t know what we can afford here, but I _do_ know I really want to kiss you right now.”

 

“Oh.” Jia Yi breathes out softly, a faint pink dusting his cheeks. “Well I’m not opposed to that.”

 

Wenhan leaves no room for hesitation, leaning in without delay and capturing Jia Yi’s lips in a short and soft kiss. They pull apart only slightly, Wenhan resting his forehead against Jia Yi’s, hands still cupping his face. The younger bites shyly on his lip, “That’s gonna be a regular thing, right?”

 

His smile only grows wider, his heart filling up with so much endearment that it’s practically bursting at the seams. “If you want it to be.”

 

“Was that not clear?” Jia Yi jokes, and Wenhan lets out a laugh before letting his hand fall to Jia Yi’s neck and bringing their lips together again. Jia Yi kisses him back with enthusiasm, hands tugging at the fabric at Wenhan’s waist and pulling him closer. Wenhan shifts until he can fall onto his back, with Jia Yi following him down, landing on top of him.

 

They kiss until the hear a cough from the other side of the room and their eyes burst wide open, whipping their heads towards the sound, where they find Chunyang hiding behind his fingers and Guan Yue with his arms around the younger boy, shaking his head in both disapproval and respect. “I knew it.”

 

 

 

 

☆ 

 

 

 

 


End file.
